The Films I Saw In 2013 Summarized In One Sentence Each

To be honest, I didn't see two of these films until this past week, but they came out in 2013, so I shall stick to the title.

So, 2013 was a... mostly unremarkable year for cinema. There were definitely some gems toward the end, but as hard as I try, and being someone who hasn't made his way through the city's various theaters, I actually haven't tried hard at all, I'm not a hip, indie kid (the most indie film on this list ended up being a rental for me). I was raised by the big-budget blockbusters, and if the summer season doesn't produce one masterpiece, then my whole view of the year is affected for the slightly more negative.

So, what follows is my views on the movies I saw this year, summarized as concisely as possible. Keep in mind that I didn't see every movie that came out this year; I never do. But, I saw some of them. If anyone's interested in having me go more-in-depth with any of these films, feel free to mention it in the comments. I had begun to write a more through run-down of the year's superhero films, which I can still finish if people are interested. But for now, sit back, pop some popcorn (or not; isn't popcorn a little over the top for an article that will take five seconds to read?). And, enjoy my take on the films of 2013!

Oz the Great and Powerful

It's basically a dumber X-Men: First Class if you mix Mystique's skin tone with the color yellow.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

It failed to live up to my expectations from the first film, and, oh crap, did I just admit to liking the first G.I. Joe movie?

Iron Man 3

Ben Kingsley's autobiographical film masquerades as another Iron Man movie.

Mud

I thought it was good, but I can't say I agree with the critical consensus that it was Jesus shitting gold upon a piece of celluloid; it was probably shot on digital.

Star Trek Into Darkness

COOOOONNNN-trary to many fanboys, I thought this film's pros outweighed its COOOOOONNNNNNSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man of Steel

Fuck you, Pa Kent.

Monsters University

If that image doesn't tug at your heartstrings, tell grandpa Satan I said "hi."

Grown Ups 2

I was debating whether this list should include movies that I saw in my nightmares.

Pacific Rim

I've looked the film's cast up on both Wikipedia and IMDB, and I still don't know who played Gendo Ikari.

The World's End

My sister scolded me for taking the family to see this movie, but I was glad to finally get my revenge for that time she took us to see The Proposal.

The Wolverine

I like to imagine that Jackman's friendly-guy persona is just a role he takes on for the press, and that he's  actually playing himself in these X-Men movies.

Elysium

Speak into that megaphone; I can't hear your political statement!

Kick-Ass 2

This film was condemned by the best part of this film.

Rush

I absolutely loved the new Thor movie!

Thor: The Dark World

Never mind.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

I will now be picking fights with tween fangirls over the opening night seats for the next film.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

I still don't think this needed to be three epic-length films, but... dragon.

American Hustle

Who knew this guy would work so well with that guy?

Frozen

BEST X-MEN MOVIE EVER!!!!!!!!!

....

Okay, so that wasn't the most in-depth analysis of the year in film that you'll find on the internet. Also, it has little to do with comics, so why is it on a blog called "KAS Reads Comics?" Well, I thought I'd try to lure a few extra readers in by talking about a medium that people in the English-speaking world still pay attention to. Selling out on the fourth blog post: isn't that special? Some of the movies are based on comic books, and two of the others are X-Men films according to myself, so get out of my face.

Have a fantastic evening, and may 2014 bring a wonderful batch of new films!